‘A thrill of hope’
‘Hope’ is what I want to bring into 2023. Regardless of the cliche meaning that word carries, it has in many ways carried me through the dark nights of 2022. Hope is not a Hallmark card catchphrase for me, it is the feeling of perseverance that has risen within a moment of spiraling distress. Not only has it brought me comfort, it has given way to worship.
The last few months have looked less like a holiday and more like an arduous and weary winter. And I don’t want to dwell on the struggle, but I can’t deny the realness of what I’ve been feeling. There is no eloquent way to describe the battle that is fought in the mind — the wear and tear of everyday choices that seem to dictate the bright or somber tone of the day.
My life’s plans have solidified in many ways, and the depth of each of my commitments have begun to show. It has been a beautiful thing to witness. I’ve been bringing more of myself into each thing, asking thoughtful questions and praying over longtime non-believing friends..holding myself accountable to jealousy and comparison with Kyle. Things I never thought I’d have the courage to do.
So much depth in new relationships and community has left less time for myself. And I think that’s where I felt the wear and tear. No longer do I have the same freedoms of a less busy season. In many ways I feel the Lord testing my heart and drawing out the less sure parts of who I am.
The reason why I chose ‘hope’ is because this current place I’m in has demanded my faith to put it’s knowledge into practical action. Waking up, making my coffee, logging on to my work laptop. Driving to the gym, folding the laundry, washing the dishes. The disciplines of everyday life have oddly been both daunting and rejuvenating. They’ve been reminders that regardless of how I feel, I can do the next best thing I know how to do.
Hope has led to worship.
“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.” — Hebrews 10:23
Hope has pointed me back to Christ. Hope is Christ. It has given me steady steps forward despite the unstable nature of my emotions. And led me to view rejection and misunderstanding as temporary affliction. That will, soon and someday, be nothing in comparison to the glory found on the other side.
The sweet promise of the Lord’s nearness to those who seek Him have been ministering to every moment of restlessness and anxiety. The pressure of deadlines have no power over a God who proved a watching world that time is no threat to His good purpose.
And so even though writing this blog has been on the back burner for the last few months, I’m grateful that this piece is here. For the weary and desperate wanderers of this holiday season — may hope find you in the wondering, and leave you filled with renewed faith that whatever may come tomorrow will be good.
